Afraid of Confrontation? 3 Gentle Steps to Build Confidence in Difficult Conversations
Have you ever needed to have a difficult conversation, but the moment arrived and… nothing came out? Or maybe the conversation did happen, but it didn’t go the way you had hoped? Perhaps, underneath it all, you felt like you weren’t enough, and that stopped you in your tracks?
You’re not alone—and that’s exactly why I created this blog. Let’s explore how to have conversations without the fear of confrontation holding us back.
Understanding the Root of the Fear
I’m Vicky Lord, and I help people live happier lives by building confidence in their everyday moments. One of the biggest confidence blocks I see is fear of confrontation, which often stems from one of three common nervous system responses: fight, flight, or freeze.
Let me explain:
- Fight – You might know someone who’s always on the defense. They feel like they constantly have to fight for their rights, recognition, or success.
- Freeze – This is when someone gets stuck. Life moves forward, but they stay still—watching others succeed while they feel paralyzed.
- Flight – This person runs from anything uncomfortable. They avoid pain, awkward conversations, and anything that might stir up emotion.
When these responses are active, conversations often don’t go well—especially if you’re in “freeze” mode and the person you’re talking to is in “fight” mode.
So how do we shift this? The answer begins with building daily confidence and creating a sense of safety in your body and mind.
Step One: Identify the Real Problem
Often, we think the problem is the confrontation itself—but usually, it’s deeper. The real issue tends to be what we feel inside our body at the thought of that conversation.
Ask yourself:
What feeling or thought do I want to release?
Is it rejection? The fear of not being enough? The fear of someone else’s anger making you feel unsafe?
This question brings you into awareness. You move from a vague fear into clarity, like:
- “I fear this conversation because I feel like I’m not good enough.”
- “I fear being rejected—and that makes me feel small.”
That self-awareness is powerful. It’s your first real step toward healing the fear.
Step Two: Replace the Old Feeling with a New One
Once you’ve named the old feeling, the next step is to replace it with a new, empowered feeling.
Here’s a simple exercise I love:
- Get a blank piece of paper and draw two columns.
- On the left side, write “Past Familiar Feeling.”
- On the right side, write “Empowered New Feeling.”
Then list the feelings.
| Past Familiar Feeling | Empowered New Feeling |
|---|---|
| I’m not good enough | I am enough |
| I feel rejected | I am accepted and whole |
| I feel unsafe in confrontation | I am safe to express myself |
This practice is about shifting your internal state, because your body is a creature of habit. If you’ve been repeating feelings of fear, rejection, or inadequacy daily, that becomes your normal.
Now, you’re choosing a new normal.
Step Three: Create the New Habit
This isn’t a one-time fix. Your body and mind work together—and they love habits. So if you’ve been secretly feeling “not enough” for years, you’ll need to consciously repeat your new empowered belief daily.
Each time the old belief pops up (like “I’m not enough”), simply say, “Change!” and replace it with your new belief: “I am enough.”
You can even shake your body out physically when the old emotion arises—this helps interrupt the pattern and reset your state.
Final Thoughts: You Can Feel Safe to Be You
When you become aware of the deeper cause of your fear, you can create a new experience. You don’t have to live in fight, flight, or freeze. You get to live in awareness, confidence, and safety.
Start small. Ask the question. Write the list. Practice the new feeling.
And remember—you are enough, just as you are.
If this video spoke to you and you’re ready to go deeper into healing, releasing emotional patterns, and reconnecting with your true self then I created something just for you. 💫 ✨
It’s called Journey of Self, a course to help you:
💛 Heal the fear of not being enough
💛 Reclaim your voice and confidence
💛 Feel safe expressing yourself in relationships and life It’s gentle, deep, and full of tools to help you finally feel at home in yourself again.
👉 You can find all the details here: https://victoryannlord.thinkific.com/courses/journey-of-self
